Tuesday, November 18, 2014

the reach out & ghost

The saying is, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it." Well, I got it. And of course didn't want it- "it" being hearing from the guy that I've liked for two years- on and off- who most recently ghosted on me about 4 months ago. This is a pattern for him and in previous instances I've reached out before to start something up again, but this last time I was done. Something clicked inside of me and I just realized that no matter what kind of connection or chemistry we have when we are together, I deserve to be treated with respect when we aren't together.

I ceased all forms of communication. I didn't even like a Facebook status and never once had the urge to send him a drunk text. All had been radio silent on both ends until last week when I'm about to go into a movie I receive a text:

"Hey, how are you?"

Really? That's what I get? I was annoyed and angry. If you're going to bother reaching out, I don't know, maybe some form of an apology or at least an acknowledgement that a significant period of time has passed since we last communicated would be appropriate. But no. One innocuous sentence. As I said, I was heading into a movie and refused to even deal with it until I got out. So, two hours later I weighed my options.

I could not respond. But to me, blatantly ignoring someone makes more of a statement. It's obvious that in 2014 we are all receiving the texts. There isn't some sort of technological malfunction. So, in my mind I'm showing him I care more by not responding at all, when I don't care. I decided I would reply to be polite, but I wasn't going to give him anything. I wasn't going to tell him it was good to hear from him, because it wasn't. I wasn't going to use exclamations or emojis. But I was also curious what he wanted.

"I'm good. How are you?" That's how I responded. It was to the point, no frills. It also opened the door for him to tell me why he was reaching out to me. But that didn't happen. Why? Because nothing happened. Nothing.

He never replied to my text. And this is why I don't understand. YOU reached out to ME. There had been zero communication prior to this. If you had something to say, why the hell didn't you say it? I'm not hurt, I'm just annoyed. Like let me be. We are not friends. If you're going to bother reaching out to an ex for some reason at least f-ing follow thru. I was just fine before I heard from you and I'm just fine now. I'm proud of myself that I can be so detached from him and the kind of bullshit he pulls. I'm not going to lie- part of me wanted to respond like 2 days later and say, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" But that wouldn't have done anything, so why bother? I shouldn't be surprised since this was his previous M.O. but at least that was while we were dating. It's almost more disrespectful to come back into someone's life and then disappear.

Please I beg of you guys and girls- if you're going to reach out to an ex, don't be a pussy. Have any of you ever reached out and ghosted? Male readers what the hell is the point of this?



  1. The last time I spoke to an ex of mine, our conversation ended with her saying "I'm in a serious relationship right now and I don't think we should be in contact."

    Then 2+ years goes by and I get an email from her 2 weeks ago... and she's still in a relationship. I don't understand why she would email me.

    1. Do you mind if I ask the gist what the email said? Just curious.

    2. Paraphrase: "I saw you on and added you. I think of you often."

  2. So don't want to admit this, but I may just have texted the d-bag. Not sure why I do it because he always ghosts on me, but I just can't seem to let it go.
    Anyways, I've got 2 comments for you:
    1. yes, I'm always reaching out to my ex and after a while he un-ghosts, but with some response that's like everything is fine and he was never a d-bag. Totally get it - it's like really? no apology, no nothing? just hi or some random topic of conversation? I'm totally giving up on him now. Lesson finally learned!
    2. It happens to guys too - I had a friend who came to work looking like death. When he finally got around to saying what was wrong, it turns out this girl he was seeing on tinder just vanished and stopped replying to his texts although everything was going good. In his words "not replying is the worse because you have no idea what went wrong, so you just keep thinking and thinking about it".

    There is a simple explanation to ghosting, and I think it's pretty much that they just don't want to talk to you anymore (as hard as that is to accept). But you should have the decency to say something like "I don't think we should talk anymore" instead of just vanishing and leaving the other person in limbo

  3. Ppl ghost on you because if they gave explanation on why they left; Then,they have to come to terms with their feelings and failures..its easier to leave an still be filled with pride then to deal with feelings and failures