Thursday, November 13, 2014

the "timing isn't everything" BLOW OFF

Not sure if this is a "fool me once," or failed "back burner" situation, but regardless, I've somehow let myself get rejected by the same guy twice in the last 3 years.

The first time was right as I was finishing college. A few weeks before graduation, wine drunk, I told Jake—a guy that I'd admired from afar for years, "that I always thought he was cute." By some miracle, he replied, "I always thought you were cute, too." I left the party shortly after this, due to nausea, and maybe butterflies?

A couple nights later, after drunken karaoke, I invited him back to my house. He declined, because he'd decided that he wanted to take me out on a proper date upon his return from a post-grad Euro excursion. Obviously, I was elated.

Unfortunately, this date did not happen, as Jake claimed to have met someone on his trip that he was more into than me. Although I was disappointed, I rationally understood that this was best, as I was in the midst of "finding myself" (and a job) after college. However, after some time had passed, Jake hit me up again with the hope of revisiting my offer of a no strings hook-up. Here, it was my turn to decline, as I knew that I was no longer in the YOLO pre-graduation phase, and that I'd be doing my actual feelings for him a disservice. And in turn, he explained that he wasn't looking for more than casual. Recognizing our different mind sets, we parted amicably.

Then, time passes: I move to LA, he moves out of state, we have a few really great phone calls, he gets a serious girlfriend and ignores me, they break up, and we both find ourselves now living in the bay area.

Once we figured out that we'd both be in the same place, we arranged to get drinks. I'd had my heart set on looking better than he remembered, getting too drunk to drive, and crashing on his couch. Instead, we have a really great time, he makes a move, and we end up fooling around. We hung out a couple weeks later, and it seemed to go equally as well.

At this point, I was very hopeful. Maybe, timing was finally on our side and we could actually see if things went anywhere. Except not. Because as usual, he's pulled back. We talked last night—he's decided that he doesn't have feelings for me and that he doesn't see us as more than friends. Honestly, I think he could have figured this out sans heavy, heavy make out, but that's just me..

Not to mention, a point that Monday's guest post made: who said I was trying to date Jake right this second? Couldn't we just see how things played out? Yes, I saw him as dating potential, but I was very open to letting things take their course, as I hadn't seen the guy in a couple years, and was just happy that we still seemed to get along. Does the desire to hang out consistently with a guy I like make me clingy?

This time, my disappointment is two-fold: once again, I don't feel like he gave us a fair shot. But on top of it, I'm disappointed in myself; how could I fall for this again? At least this round, I told him I couldn't keep in contact with him anymore. He seemed to find this surprising, but it's obvious that this isn't a healthy relationship for me, as it'll only foster some sense of sick hope.

I know that most of this won't matter in a few days, so in the meantime, the only moral worth mentioning is that Beyonce's "Why Don't You Love Me" sounds great on repeat. And that more songs should end abruptly with a defiant, "dumb."


  1. How do guys know so quickly if they want to date someone or not? I feel like they just get super scared at the prospect of changing their mind about a person that they just cut bait right away. A couple of my most significant relationships were with dudes I was iffy on in the beginning, but I gave it time and it worked out (until it didn't, but you know what I mean)

  2. I feel like once guys make up their minds there is no going back. It's like some stupid pride thing, like god forbid they are wrong about anything. And i think some guys have such unrealistic notions about love. Like they expect to be hit on the head by love and don't understand that sometimes it's a slow burn and you may need to actually let someone into your life to have those defining moments when true love is possible.

  3. I was told that we didn't have that "thing." Which was not evident in the fact that the last time I saw him and didn't spend the night, he told me "I was crazy for leaving."

    He also gave me the, "I'm not over my ex" bit, which made me even more frustrated because, if you know this, don't make out with me! Also, you shouldn't be comparing our 2 hang outs/quasi dates/high school make out sessions to your last serious relationship. It's like comparing apples to...something really, really different than an apple.

    1. oh I hear ya girl, I could never ever compare to the one who got away. and they dated in college. years and years ago. And he's never felt it since, most likely due to the fact that she left him and he's built her up to be the greatest thing since...sliced bread.