Dear Readers of the BLOW OFF,
I need your advice. I had a one-night stand with a guy last year. I was blowing off some steam and had no intention of seeing him again as there was an age difference (me being older). Anyway, he added me on Facebook afterwards and we started chatting. We had similar interests so I thought there was no harm in seeing where it went. It was kind of awkward though – he wouldn’t ask me out outright, instead he invited me to events he was running. It was all very passive due to his age, I think.
Anyway, I went to one of these events eventually and we hooked up again. I started to like him at this stage and asked to see him again, but when I saw him out the following week, he blew me off. Looking at his facebook feed, he was very much a young guy playing the field. Although I was hurt by being blown off, eventually I realized that I shouldn’t take it personally-- he didn’t know me, he was just young and not wanting a relationship.
We stayed ‘friends’ on Facebook. My pride wouldn’t let me unfriend him – I wanted it to look like I didn’t care. It was very strange though – although I hid him from my feed, he would like photos and statuses of mine – not all the time, but now and again. I know we only met a handful of times but I felt a connection with him and it did take me a bit of time to get over him. He wished me a happy birthday a few months after the BLOW OFF and a few months later, he sent me a message asking for advice.
I know I should have unfriended him, as this sporadic communication was wrecking my head. I didn’t answer his last message as it took him so long to reply to my answer and I felt he wasn’t that invested in my reply. We had seen each other in person just once in all this time – passing on the street. We said hello to each other and it looked like he wanted to talk but I kept walking, because I didn’t know what to say to him.
Anyway, a few months later I wished him a Happy Birthday on FB – my only communication on his wall ever. It was never acknowledged (not liked or commented on) so I thought that was it and I left it at that. but 3 months later he starts liking my stuff again!
I know this whole episode seems silly and pointless to a lot of people and I know objectively it is. But the thing is, despite having some one night stands in my life, I do think sex is a big deal and would ideally prefer to have it in a loving relationship. Unfortunately, due to certain circumstances, sometimes one night stands are the only way to get sex.
Despite the douche-baggery of this certain individual, it does seem wrong somehow to unfriend him. I don’t want to be with him now - I deserve someone who has more respect for me. But at one time (well, twice really) he was inside me - the closest two people can get. Sure, it wasn’t as significant to him as it was to me, but maybe there was a part of him that wanted to stay in touch? If I was to unfriend him, I suppose I would just feel like the whole thing was meaningless and best to be forgotten about, when it was different from a normal one-night stand.
All I know is that if I was to blow someone off, I sure as hell wouldn’t be liking their FB statuses or actually giving a flip about their life. So readers, I'm curious-- what's the etiquette of Facebook & hook-ups as opposed to Facebook & exes? I haven’t come across many posts on this site about hook-ups, it’s mostly exes/longer term relationships. I mean this guy isn’t an ex, he was someone I slept with twice.