Wednesday, December 3, 2014

the feminist conundrum & the emasculated BLOW OFF

How is that for a fancy title, guys? I think it'll be the name of my first non-fiction book. I've been thinking a lot about masculinity lately. If you've met the H-bomb, you'll know that he's a very laid back kind of guy. And also very secure in his maleness and progressive when it comes to gender roles. When I told him I didn't want to change my name when we got married he said "I would never expect you to." There's just not a whole lot that phases him or pisses him off. But on a few rare occasions, he's snapped at me or dare I say-- bitten my head off. Upon further examination, it turned out he was feeling emasculated by me in those moments.

I have two reactions to this #1 Oh no. That sucks. I feel really bad. How do I avoid this? And #2 Really? Come on. It's 2014. Is feeling "emasculated" still really a thing?

Herein lies the feminist conundrum. We are strong independent women. Is it really our job to make sure the men in our lives feel like "MEN"? Can't we be assertive and opinionated without worrying about making them feel less than? Most importantly, how was this never the subject of an episode of Sex and the City?

This is a tough dilemma for me and I think it might be a generational issue. If you watch the Real Housewives of Bev Hills for instance, you know that Yolanda believes men need to be catered to an appreciated at all times. Lisa Rinna said her husband is the "king of the house." Don't get me wrong, I know these chicks aren't exactly role models but when I hear this I'm like "WHAAAT the FUCK?" I am SO not that wife. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate my husband or do nice things for him, it just means I don't do those things because I think he's the King of the Galaxy. 

Even Beyonce who very loudly declares herself a feminist sang a song called Cater 2 U when she was a member of Destiny's Child. A few sample lyrics:

Let Me Help You
Take Off Your Shoes
Untie Your Shoestrings
Take Off Your Cufflinks (Yeah)
What You Want To Eat Boo? (Yeah)
Let Me Feed You
Let Me Run Your Bathwater
Whatever You Desire, I'll Aspire

Not to mention that women all over the world are faking orgasms so their partners won't feel emasculated during sex.

BUT on the flip side, when it comes to men and cheating-- a common theme is that men are unfaithful when they feel beaten down in their marriages. The other woman makes them feel desirable, and thus, makes them feel like a man again. Sadly, they somehow have no idea that if they marry these women, they will also tell them to pick up their shit at some point.

So, here's a few tips if you're also feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place with this issue. First, it's all in the tone. Dudes are really sensitive to the way we speak to them. This is something I really need to work on. We can be assertive without being raging assholes at the same time. Second, if your guy wants to feel like Don Draper once in awhile, there's no harm in that. Emphasis on "once in awhile." It shouldn't be expected for women to wait on their husbands hand and foot so they can feel like hot shit.

And finally to the men: man up. If you have a solid relationship with your partner, this means don't fall to pieces on those few occasions you feel emasculated. Especially if there's some underlying insecurities we can't do anything about. Remember, you can't always rely on your GF to make you feel manly. I mean, women rely on lotions and lip gloss to make us feel feminine.  The H-bomb relies on hiking boots and cigars. If you disagree with me, then fine. Do everything in the below video instead:

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