Wednesday, December 10, 2014

"where did he go?" & the BLOW OFF

We've all been there. You have a great date (or 5) and the guy just disappears off the face of the earth. I believe the term is ghosting? Which is appropriate, because when I don't hear from a guy I like to pretend he died. Like that song where it's like "she was eaten by a lion, caught in a riptide, help me, help me I'm all out of lies and way to say you died." I, myself, never run out of ways. The more embarrassing the better. He was hit by a blimp. Runover by a trolly. Attacked by a mink. I could go on.

Some people feel this is morbid, so I'm here to offer other explanations for why this guy has gone MIA. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. Obvi.

1) He's in the witness protection program. He had to move suddenly and reclaim his new identity cutting off all ties with anyone from his former life. He also did this to protect you of course.

2) He's trapped in a sewer. Or an elevator. Or a cave. My point is that he is trapped somewhere with no form of communication.

3) He hit his head and has amnesia. He was so distracted thinking about you that he fell or bumped into something and now he can't remember anything.

You don't need to worry about him though. If you've had more than 2 dates and he didn't even have the balls to give you an explanation, he is really not worth your tears or time. And if you felt a connection after 1 or 2 dates...he just realized more quickly that you're not meant to be and saved you some time. Which is really nice of him actually because you have bigger and better ahead.

A guy friend of mine offered me some really sage advice. He informed me that a certain guy was not my soul mate. I asked how he could be so sure (I was pretty convinced he was the only guy I'd ever love). He said "because your soul mate won't treat you like crap." So simple, yet so true. The guy you deserve won't leave you feeling anxious, confused and wondering if he joined the witness protection program.

So send all those ghosters to an island far far away so you can find someone who would only disappear if he really was trapped in a sewer (and even then would be doing absolutely everything in his power to find his way back to you).

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