Monday, February 2, 2015

My Ex Friend Forgot Me & the BLOW OFF

About ten years ago, I got my first job working at a major movie studio. There was a tight knit group of us who worked closely together and hung out all the time outside of work as well. During that time, I befriended a girl/named co-worker I shall call Brandi.

At first, we were a bit competitive with each other. There were only a few eligible cute guys and only like three cute girls (Brandi and myself included). There were also only a few normal girls so we basically become friends by default. Having said that, for a few months we were totally inseparable. We hung out all the time, I set her up with one of my guy friends and I began hooking up with one of her guy friends (who also happened to be her roommate). So in a nutshell, we worked together and hung out all the time FOR MONTHS.

The demise of our friendship wasn't necessarily either of our faults. There was a series of miscommunications, a final confrontation, and when the job ended and we went our separate ways. Our paths crossed occasionally and while it was always cordial, I wouldn't say it was totally pleasant.

There were times I missed her, analyzed what went wrong, and contemplated reaching out. But I never did. She didn't either.

Flash forward ten years later. I ran into Brandi at a birthday party. We walked past each other and I smiled. She walked right past me. "She can't still be pissed at me ten years later," I thought. She must not have seen me.

Later, we found ourselves at the same table. I braced myself for an awkward reunion. It was awkward alright. "Hi, I'm Brandi, nice to meet you" she said and held out her hand.



The girl had no idea who I was. I'd like to note that in these ten years, I have not drastically altered in my appearance. My hair has always been long and while it has been 50 shades of brown (ombre, highlights, black) I have always been a brunette. I have not lost or gained a significant amount of weight or had ANY plastic surgery (not even botox. Mainly because I can't afford it, but that's another story). And while I'd like to think I've evolved a little bit, I wouldn't say I've truly evolved all that much.

"I'm Sam," I replied. "We know each other."

I saw a flash of recognition register and to her credit, I'm pretty sure she felt bad. My mind was boggled. Did our few months of friendship mean nothing to her? Did our demise have absolutely no effect on her life? And not to sound like an ass, but I'm a fairly memorable person. I mean I have stories. I frequent the Playboy Mansion, count Corey Feldman as a good friend and dated a guy who lied about his grandmother dying to win Survivor. At the studio I was referred to as "infamous Sam" and while I'm not necessarily proud of that fact, it happened. WTAF?

I never really got over that encounter, but felt certain she would never forget me again. She did.

I ran into her last week and THE SAME EXACT THING HAPPENED. I will say that once I got over the fact that apparently I am forgettable, we got to talking. It was like a completely clean slate. We got to know each other all over again, like our friendship and fallout never happened (to her it didn't!). I actually liked her. I did feel a little better when she asked who she was dating when I knew her. "Ben," I said. To which she replied "I dated a guy named Ben?" I guess she blocked out that entire time period.

The whole experience got me questioning the why of it all. Why do we spend so much time analyzing and stressing over relationships that didn't work out? For all we know, they haven't given us a second thought. Or forgot about us altogether. Why do we make efforts with people who don't reciprocate and would fall off the face of our planet if we stopped trying? I know it's easier said then done, but I've really found that the people who are supposed to be in your life somehow just are. I'm still super close with my best friends from high school and while we've had our tiffs over the years, it's been fairly effortless. One of my best friends and I have needed a few breaks, but we always find our way back to each other. There are certain people who I thought were lost, but our paths crossed again or we fought for each other. I'm the urban legend who had a one night stand turn into a good friend. Then there are the guys I've loved and thought I'd be close with forever who are now strangers.

Life is strange, but I think the main thing that I've learned is we should really try to focus on the people who could not onlt never forget us, but would never want to.


  1. I find this SO bizarre. It would be one thing if you guys were acquaintances, but you were clearly friends. Did she suffer a brain injury? Does she get electro-shock therapy? Does she have facial blindness? And how does she also not remember the guy she dated? I really want you to get to the bottom of this. Do you guys have any mutual friends that could shed some light on the issue?

  2. They are as baffled as me, but I guess she drinks a lot and has been on meds for things...

    1. Thank you, I've been feeling this way and just needed to read someone else put it into words I cannot

      I guess I'm tired of trying with people that only want me around as a last option