Thursday, February 12, 2015

Surviving Valentine's Day: Tips

It's that dreaded time of year again... the day it's just a little bit harder to be single. The day couples even feel guilty and ridiculous celebrating. The day Hallmark makes a shit-ton of cash. But guys, don't worry. I promise we will get through it together. Here are a few tips to make your Valentine's day weekend slightly more bearable.

10. Tomorrow is Galentine's Day! Sure, it's a holiday invented by Parks & Recreation, but it's still a good excuse to get all your girlfriends together and paint the town red. You can also get your friends with boyfriends and husbands super drunk, so they'll be puking and hungover on Valentine's Day. How's that for an evil genius plot?
9. Um, Fifty Shades of Grey comes out this weekend. And I'm going to see it tomorrow night, with my girlfriends, to celebrate Galentine's Day. We bought our tickets like two weeks in advance. Nothing says "fuck traditional confines of love" like a film about S&M.

8. It's also President's Day weekend! Let's focus on that. Why not throw a party to celebrate our country's greatest leaders? Just ignore V-day all together and plan a themed party where everyone has to wear powdered wigs and top hats. You can play a super fun game where you go around the room and everyone has to say what bills they would veto. Who freaking needs Valentine's Day when there are Presidents we should be celebrating.

7. Bravo TV is here for you on Saturday. With six back to back episodes of Vanderpump Rules from 2pm to 8pm. If there's ever a show that will make you feel disgusted with human beings and relationships and love and sex, this is the one folks!
6. Just do yourself a favor and avoid social media all together. Except Tinder. Is Tinder considered social media? Is there a new cooler hipper Tinder yet? Just go on Tinder and swipe away until your fingers cramp up.

5. This year, Valentine's Day falls on a Saturday! This makes it so much easier to hide and not see people if you don't feel like it. You don't have to be in the office, surrounded by people wearing red, and passing out those conversations hearts which by the way: NEVER TASTED GOOD. Someone pour some Reese's Peanut Butter cups down my throat to get the taste of that shit out of my mouth.

4. Who needs to hide and not see people? Some call Valentine's Day "Single Awareness Day" of "SAD" but here at the BLOW OFF, we decided to call it "BSAD" or "Being Single is Awesome Day."
 And the best way to do that is clearly to get a table of one at a really romantic restaurant, order a bottle of vino, and bring a really good book to read. But not Fifty Shades of Grey, cause that would actually be sad.

3. Read the BLOW OFF archives, obvi. If there's one site on the internet that's going to make you laugh about dating and being single, it's this one. You can start with this post from 2012 when I nabbed an exclusive interview with Cupid. I may have just re-read it after three years and LOL'd at my own writing.

2. Dare I say, you should spend the holiday going on a first date? I had a friend who double-booked first dates on Valentine's Day and ended up married to date #2. They divorced three months later. hahaha, totally kidding. They're still married and expecting a baby.

1. If the day gets rough, just keep telling yourself this: there are things worse than being single on Valentine's Day. Like bad skin and split ends and death. And if that doesn't cheer you up, set twenty-seven minutes of your day aside to do this guided love meditation I just found on YouTube.

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