Wednesday, March 18, 2015

10 quickie relationship tips for dudes

One of my favorite things about having this blog is spouting off advice to the three men who read it. Being in relationships with females is HARD and that's why I feel like it's my civic duty to give you men some advice to make navigating those choppy shark infested waters a little easier. So, here are ten quickie tips that will make your life SO much easier.

10. You manage your family and she'll manage her family. But you can't make her manage both families because that's pure evil. (If you don't know what "managing" your family means, then email me and I'll explain.)

9. If women can fake orgasms, then surely you men should be able to fake sympathy.

8. Commit things to memory. There's no quicker way to make your wife or girlfriend crazy than asking "when is that thing again?" for the ten-thousandth time. (The H-bomb, no joke, asks me to send him calendar invites).

7. Hugging someone when they're crying goes a looooooong way.

6. Small, inexpensive, romantic gestures are the best. The H-bomb often buys me cards for no reasons and it makes me so happy I let him do anything he wants to my butt. (That is a lie. Butt play requires  diamonds, a trip to Paris flying first class, a maserati, and a lifetime supply of pug puppies.)

5. When we're like "Oh my God, have you seen that video of the cat massaging the dog on YouTube. You must watch it with me right now so that I can see you laughing at something I think is adorable and funny and then I can feel emotionally connected to you"--- please don't say "I'll watch it later."*

4. It's SUPER sweet when you cook for us. Like SO sweet. But if we could just offer one piece of tiny little advice it would be... clean as you go.

3. Aspire to be the kind of dad who doesn't say things like "I don't do diapers."

2. Call us out on our bullshit. Sometimes we're being assholes and it's good for us to be with a guy who's brave enough to tell us that.  (not in the comments section of this blog though).

1. Try not to rebuff our sexual advances. Sure, no one feels like having sex all the time but when a girl gets turned down, she goes deep into the black hole of "I'm fat and gross and he'd rather watch porn and he thinks my vagina smells worse than any other vagina he's ever smelled and he doesn't love me anymore."

*I'm guilty of #5.

1 comment:

  1. boyfriend is pretty awesome when it comes to this list :) lucky me!