Thursday, May 7, 2015

First Off, I'm Not A Cow

I hate cliches. I really hate cliches about dating. And the cliche I hate most in the world is, "No one will buy the cow when they get the milk for free." My blood bubbled underneath my skin and my urge to pop a Xanax increased exponentially even as I just typed that sentence.

First off, I am not a fucking cow. I get whatever metaphor whatever ancient, anti-feminist who made the saying up was going for but the second you start comparing me to livestock, the rest falls on deaf ears. Secondly, what. the. actual. fuck? Listen, I get the intended message is. If you ho it up, no one is gonna want you. But I have some major issues with this.

1) I don't think it's true
2) It feels like entrapment and an excuse for some archaic puritanic lifestyle
3) Would anyone buy milk if they didn't know what it tasted like?

I sure as hell would not. This cliche is the 2015 slut-shaming equivalent of a Scarlet A. If someone tastes my milk and doesn't like it, I sure as hell don't want them draining my utters. If we're not compatible in bed why in the hell would we embark upon a romantic relationship that essentially would possibly lead up to a lifelong partnership? This is something I'd definitely rather know around date 3 than three months after the fact. I certainly wouldn't commit to a man unless I knew that he could um...make my milk cometh.

This furthers the stereotype that women who enjoy sex or want to enjoy sex with someone whose company they are enjoying is damaged goods and she might as well relegate herself to the life equivalent of TJ Maxx instead of Barney's New York.

*NEWSFLASH* If a guy ends things after you sleep with him because "you slept with him without a commitment" there was never any intention of him giving you a commitment regardless of whether you slept together or not. No guy has ever said, "Oh man I really saw her as my wife and mother of my children but after we slept together I changed my mind." If something is going to work out, it either will or it won't. Sleep together whenever the f you want- as long as you're comfortable with it.

And regardless, please, stop comparing women to cows. If we compared men to snakes...oh, wait.


  1. i hate this saying too- I really don't think there's a guy out there who's not going to date a woman he likes simply because they had sex right away. One of my bestie's is about to marry a guy she slept with on the first date. The H-bomb and I slept together on the second "date"-- it wasn't a date, it was the second night of a business trip we were both on. We also lived together before getting married and it didn't make him less likely to propose.

  2. I do kinda think though that if we give guys what they want early on without requiring them to make efforts, they may not be so eager to make them. I am certainly guilty of this, and i know so many stories of girls who slept with guys quickly and it totally worked out. But i think it never hurts to trick them into being emotionally invested in you before sleeping with them and making them work for it. Often i think people do value what they worked for. Hence the whole why buy the cow thing...i mean we are not cows, but i can't lie and say it doesn't make some sense...Having said all that, i think when it's the right person it doesn't matter what you do. But being 33 and single i am currently trying to make my odds as good as possible to find something lasting. we shall see how that goes....