|Kaitlyn VS Britt|
Tonight, the men get all the power again by voting on who gets to be The Bachelorette. This battle is bigger than Mayweather VS Pacquiao. The stakes are even higher than the 2016 election. All those 18 million cracks Hilz put in the glass ceiling have been patched up. Peggy and Joan would be so disappointed in the 21st century.
In one corner, we have Britt. We can't deny that she's gorgeous. Back in Farmer Chris's season, she was a waitress living in Los Angeles and giving out free hugs on Hollywood Boulevard. She cried a lot on his season, pretended like she really wanted to live in Arlington, Iowa, didn't shower, slept with her make-up on, had her vadge tapped by Chris after their hot-air balloon one-on-one date, and felt like she was totally mean girl'd by insecure Carly.
In the other corner, we have Kaitlyn. She's perhaps slightly less gorgeous than Britt, but her personality more than makes up for what she lacks in super-model looks. On Farmer Chris's season, she made a lot of jokes about her snatch, had the most entertaining one-on-one interviews, held her own with Jimmy Kimmel, drank scotch, wore flannel, sported dove tattoos on her triceps, and got dumped by Prince Farming while wearing traditional Balinese garb.
She was CLEARLY a fan favorite. Women all over America loved the shit out of her. We all thought: finally, a bachelorette with some spunk and sass and personality. This next season is going to be awesome! But no, ABC decided to mess with our hearts and heads by throwing us a curve ball. Two bachelorettes in episode one, the guys get to vote on who they want to be their bachelorette.
Look, I'm really hoping this is all a ratings ploy and a way to get us to tune into the premiere. ABC is smart enough to rig this thing so Kaitlyn will end up being the bachelorette at the end. They have to know Hilary Clinton and the rest of us will be PISSED if Britt wins the coveted title. They have to know that I will refuse to recap this show if Kaitlyn is not the next bachelorette.
Let's face it. We ladies make 77 cents on the dollar. Many of the women reading this are waiting for a guy to text them right now who hasn't texted them in two days. Some of us are struggling to balance career with motherhood. Some of us are really upset that Harris Olson didn't end up being a thing (Seriously, why dangle that carrot Matt Weiner?) We need this. We need Kaitlyn to be the bachelorette. I need this. Don't fuck it up, ABC. I'll be live-tweeting tonight on the west coast. Follow us @theblowoff.