Thursday, May 28, 2015

the MALE-dar phenomenon strikes again!

What’s with guys having this weird radar where they can tell when a girl has moved on? I wouldn’t believe it exists if the BLOW OFF hadn't warned me about it in this old post and if I hadn't recently experienced the phenomenon myself.

I meet Nate in January and we go on two really great dates. I was hoping a third date was in the cards, but the lack of initiation on his part leads me to believe he met someone else or lost interest (or was too passive for me—I’m all about letting the guy do the initiating in the early stages of dating). I figure he’s blowing me off, leaving me a little bummed. But that’s the whole point of going on dates and I’ve done my fair share of blow offs, too.


More than five weeks later, I go on a date with a new guy (half-priced wine bottles!) and listen intently to what must be his entire life story. I quietly savor my glass of tempranillo and politely nod when appropriate during the conversation. If I was comparing him to Nate—which I wasn’t at the time—New Guy was undoubtedly not as good a date. Upon waking up March 4, I find the following email in my inbox:

From: Nate
Sent: 3/3/2015 1:08:57 PM
To: Andrea
Subject: Re: Great meeting you

Hey Andrea! How’s things? Ready to explore a new venue this weekend? We are on a roll with finding some good spots to eat :)

I had to read it a few times until the utter confusion set in. Did Nate somehow have a Rip Van Winkle-type experience and fell asleep for a month without realizing it? Did he send it a month prior and it went down the wrong fiber-optic cable? Did the other girl he was pursuing blow him off, and he thought “Well, I guess Andrea was okay?” Or, finally, was it that he could somehow sense that I was completely okay with him blowing me off and on a date with New Guy? We make plans for Saturday night (because one free pass does not make you a push over) and it is, again, a great date. (In addition to sharing things about himself, Nate actually asks me questions on our dates! Novel.)

Four days later, I receive a text from Ryan. Ryan and I were wedding party partners in our mutual friends’ wedding in November 2013. The bride knew we’d hit it off but, living five hours apart, it’s not like anything would ever transpire. The last time we spoke was 11 months prior. 11 months.

Nate and I start communicating and seeing each other more consistently throughout March and April. In mid-April I receive the following text from Sandy, a guy I’d [platonically] bonded with over concurrent break ups: "Hey."

It had been 9 months since we last communicated. What prompted Sandy to reach out to me, we will never know.

One may come to the conclusion that I’m being contacted by guys all the time. But no. That is absolutely not the case. I’m waiting for my two ex-boyfriends and the guy I was seeing last summer to come out of the woodwork, just so I can have some closure.

Has anyone else experienced this strange phenomenon?

1 comment:

  1. Yes, I am in the midst of such a cycle. I was dating an a guy for the first 5 months of this year when he told me definitively he did not want a monogamous situation. I said cool, and rolled out. For the last month and a half I have been "getting myself" which basically means I evaluated my behavior and over the past three years and I realize that I have been very insecure and clingy and needy. No one wants to buy that!!!! Of course that needed to be busted up immediately. So now that I have decided I am NOT seeking a relationship and I am enjoying my friends and family and activities and getting focused on my work. Now men are coming out of the woodwork. Even married exes, even guys I did not date (because I "friend zoned" them preemptively) within the last 7 days have contacted me with a rainbow of contacts ranging from "I want to reconnect lets have dinner" to the infamous water-testing single word "Hey". The sudden resurgence has me jokingly telling my friends I must be about to die" or meet my husband. I beleive once you let go, your energy changes, and the universe sends a beacon out that all men who have known you sense that she is happy, content, or making a significant connection with another man. (Got a lil meta-physical there, sorry) Thus, men being competitive, immediatly reach out to survey the legitimacy of this shift. I think the important thing for you or at least in my case I decided to remain classy about the contacts. Now I believe that most men are reaching out to stroke egos and also to see if they can institute a friends with benefits situation. So, I have decided to ignore most of these contacts and continue living my life. Because weather I'm just happy in my own skin or if I'm really about to "go to glory" or if my future husband is about to manifest Himself, I need to be available for whatever is in the future and. Walking through, cracking open, or even responding to closed doors would be the exact opposite of preparing for the future. The attention feels nice. Enjoy it , but certainly do not allow confusion(meaning engaging old flames and the emotional signature they left behind) cloud your newfound clarity.

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