Monday, May 4, 2015

the meanest comment ever & the BLOW OFF

Here at the BLOW OFF, we moderate our comments. If you're commenting on a post from more than 14 days ago, I get to decide whether or not to publish it. Which is a great thing, otherwise we would be inundated with comments about Nigerian love spells. We also have the power to delete comments-- I usually only do this if the comment directly attacks one of our contributors. Hate speech is not protected on the site.

So, the other day, I'm just mindin' my business, moderating comments and I come across this gem on a post entitled "My Boyfriend's Acting Weird, WTF Should I Do?" First, let me say that particular post has become a bit controversial. There's been a couple "This is the worst advice!" notes left in the comments section. To that I say: this blog is supposed to be funny. Not all of my advice or dating tips are meant to be taken seriously or at face value. More on that later. Here's the comment:
this is awful advice,

I'm a 24 year old dude, and if my chick did this under these circumstances, I would LEAVE. if your man is getting distant,
1: you've let yourself go,
2: you annoy him, or you are a bore,
3: he has a side chick, and is cheating,
4: you are emasculating him.
5: he isn't sexually satisfied.
6: you bitch at him

no girly website will tell you that. but I speak truth. guys are simple.

look good, be respectful, and support your man, as the MAN in the relationship. you won't have a problem

the person who wrote this is obviously some stupid fat bitch editor, that hasn't had a man since '89. so ladies, DON'T do any of that if you want to keep your man.

just sayin

AMAZING LAND!!!!! How could I NOT publish this comment? How could I not devote an entire post to it? Where do I even begin?

The first thing I did was re-read the post he was referring to. I wrote it about a year and a half ago and couldn't remember exactly what was in it. Truth be told, I don't think the advice is that crazy or bad. To sum it up, it's basically "focus on you." Sure, maybe getting in touch with an ex is a little extreme, but I'm assuming the boyfriend in question who's acting weird isn't some guy you live with or you've been dating for five years. You're more in the first six months of the relationship-- perhaps I should have specified.

I actually find it really fascinating that this "dude" had such a vehement reaction to a post that's primarily encouraging women not to obsess and pine after their partner. Or that he assumed the advice was a way to get your boyfriend back. I'm just suggesting a few coping mechanisms for that yucky dating period when a guy starts to act, well, weird. (side note: One commenter also hated my advice and said you need to communicate. To that I say: good point-- but this is about that period of time when you're not hearing back from your bf)

Now let's examine the reasons our 24 year old thinks your "man" is acting distant:
 1: you've let yourself go,
2: you annoy him, or you are a bore,
3: he has a side chick, and is cheating,
4: you are emasculating him.
5: he isn't sexually satisfied.
6: you bitch at him 

SO... it's all your fault the person you're dating is acting weird. Let's assume reasons 1-6 are always the reason a guy pulls away from a relationship. UM, who would want to be with this guy? You should 100% absolutely take my advice. Scratch that. Take my advice a step further and go have sex with another guy.

"no girly website will tell you that. but I speak truth. guys are simple." I take no offense to referring this as a "girly" website. Girly is not an insult in my book. Clearly, in your spare time 24 year old dude, you like to peruse girly websites so we have something in common there.

Now for my second favorite line. "look good, be respectful, and support your man, as the MAN in the relationship. You won't have a problem." Translation: Shut the fuck up and look pretty. Is it bad that I get girlfriend-beater vibes from this guy? Yes, of course we should all respect and support our partners, but that's a two way street. Also, why doesn't anyone ever talk about men remaining attractive for their partners? (note to self: write a post about this.)

Finally, the best line of all: the person who wrote this is obviously some stupid fat bitch editor, that hasn't had a man since '89. so ladies, DON'T do any of that if you want to keep your man.

Awww, 1989. That's so cute. He wasn't even born then! I was nine years old, so... actually I wasn't getting laid that year. I am actually married, so I get it on the regular. And by that I mean married people regular, so like twice a week.

I have to confess-- a part of me wanted to post a picture of myself to dispel the body type comment and then I thought: OH HELL NO. So what if I was fat? That means I'm not allowed to have an opinion on relationships and dating? The fact is, the words "stupid fat bitch" would never be uttered by a real man-- whether they're twenty-four or fifty. And certainly not a guy any of us should respect.

So all of that said: if that little fucker comments again, I'm deleting it this time. 

3 comments:

  1. That guy's post is really stupid. But I think regardless of what period in a relationship you're at (assuming you're past the first date or two), the suggestions you gave are pretty questionable. Talking to an ex or even any guy is a recipe for disaster.

    1) It's probably never as simple as just talking to another guy, even if your intentions are initially innocent. Like- what are you trying to do? Make your boyfriend jealous? Distract yourself?

    2) It's pretty mean to the other person. What if they develop feelings for you, or have feelings for you already. You're basically treating a guy as a momentary distraction. So many posts on this site are about empowering women and how it sucks when guys use girls. You're promotion the same behavior. Fighting fire with fire just creates an even bigger fire. Throw some water on that shit.

    Seems like all 10 of your suggestions are generally insecure and immature. If you're wondering what's wrong with your boyfriend, dial his phone number and give him a call. If he doesn't answer, a simple text will work: "hey I noticed you've been acting a little strange/distant/whatever, is everything ok?"

    Then he'll either answer or not, and you can take it from there. If he doesn't answer, then probably one more phone call or text will do the trick:

    "Hey, as someone who's been with you for X amount of time, I feel like the communication isn't there... if you've got something going on in your life, you can totally talk to me about it, I'm here for you... otherwise, I'm too old to play games and would prefer not to be with someone who can't communicate with me."

    Then- he will respond or not. If he responds, take it from there: he'll either be apologetic and explain whatevers going on, and you deal with it. Or he'll say he's not into you, and you move on... or he'll lash out and you know he sucks and you can move on. Or he doesn't respond at all and you can move on.

    Either way, 2 simple acts of communication will take all of 5 minutes and clear up so much of the drama.

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  2. While I do agree with the simple communications advice from the previous poster, I do not agree with the general take on the first post.
    For me the first post is clearly an advice on not going crazy because a guy is not calling you twice a day or he just send one text over the week-end. The point is exactly made that if you go crazy and call (or send 100 texts) you will probabaly scare the guy. But if you take care of yourself instead you will be better off (if the guy contact you again or if it is a loss).
    At the end of the day when a guy does the disapearing act (oh god I hate when it happens to me) and don't call back, you at least have a chance to keep you sanity and pride intact.
    And yes of course the advice are based on insecurities, but it's based on the principles that you are not communicated normally with someone (or acting weird as it is called). So yes, when something change in your rapport to one another, it will probably reveal insecurity about yourself. I don't see the problem in that as long that the lack of communication is not the normal setting.
    And no I will not take about the comment that is the subject of the post. I do not feed trolls.

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  3. Thanks French Cheese, couldn't have said it better myself! In a perfect world, we would all be completely mature and communicative in all of our dating endeavors, but that's not the way things always play out. And sadly, I actually think even the nicest/coolest guys can be somewhat turned off by a "what's going on?!?!" call or text. Case in point: http://www.theblowoff.com/2013/10/a-window-into-male-psyche-courtesy-of.html#.VU1bSGYzWio

    "For me the first post is clearly an advice on not going crazy because a guy is not calling you twice a day or he just send one text over the week-end. The point is exactly made that if you go crazy and call (or send 100 texts) you will probabaly scare the guy. But if you take care of yourself instead you will be better off (if the guy contact you again or if it is a loss)."

    exactly what I was trying to get at, but maybe I should amend it by adding the "communicate" advice.

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