Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Thou Shalt Not Worship False Idols (AKA ex-boyfriends)

Earlier this month, Natalie Portman, gave an interview and when she was asked about where she keeps her Oscar she replied that she didn't know and she believes it's in a safe. She went on to disclose that when she was reading her son the Biblical story of Abraham and the topic of false idols came up something clicked for her. To her, the Oscar was literally a little gold statue that people worship, covet, and work their whole lives for and that to her it is a prime example of a false idol and that is why it is not displayed anywhere in her home. While I could probably write 10 rants about her biting the hand that's fed her for her entire life and being ungrateful, I will spare you.

If I was lucky enough to win an Oscar, Emmy or even a Razzie I would display it in the most prominent place possible, but her comments got me thinking. I've never worshiped an award or a thing (not even a pair of Loutoutins) but I feel like her thoughts translate to men- for me at least. Whenever one of my relationships or situations is beginning to unravel, I immediately idealize the guy and our relationship.

"But he's not an asshole. He's not a bad guy. That's what makes this so hard." If I counted how many times I've said this over the course of my dating years I think I would probably want to throw up. While the above may be true in some cases and maybe even all, what is it that instead of saying, "good riddance" or "it wasn't meant to be" makes me put them on a pedestal? It's my own masochistic version of worshiping a false idol because I'm not being realistic.

For some reason I don't remind myself of the horrible fights we had, times he treated me with less respect than I deserved, the little idiosyncrasies I'm relieved I won't have to deal with anymore or the emotional baggage I don't have to push my way though, I only remember the good times and the good qualities. You don't have to discount all of the good times you had together. Those were all real. But I'm realizing how important it is for me to be honest with myself about the full picture of what our relationship really was and who he really is instead of the abridged, almost perfect version in my head that makes mourning the loss of what I had and what I thought I could have with this person in the future easier.

So aside from rocking the shit out of Dior, Natalie Portman inadvertently taught me a lesson. Do you idealize your exes and past relationships? Comment below.


1 comment:

  1. It's so hard not to do this! I went out with a guy for years that was super manic and never offered me the maturity or stability necessary to have an authentic relationship. But even now that I am with someone totally amazing, I find myself romanticizing my last relationship. Don't get me wrong, I will never go back to this guy, but it's almost impossible not to remember the good times and forget the bad. I wonder if that's just a defense mechanism so you can stop hurting.