Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Thou Shalt Not Worship False Idols (AKA ex-boyfriends)
Posted by 20 LA Wannabe
If I was lucky enough to win an Oscar, Emmy or even a Razzie I would display it in the most prominent place possible, but her comments got me thinking. I've never worshiped an award or a thing (not even a pair of Loutoutins) but I feel like her thoughts translate to men- for me at least. Whenever one of my relationships or situations is beginning to unravel, I immediately idealize the guy and our relationship.
"But he's not an asshole. He's not a bad guy. That's what makes this so hard." If I counted how many times I've said this over the course of my dating years I think I would probably want to throw up. While the above may be true in some cases and maybe even all, what is it that instead of saying, "good riddance" or "it wasn't meant to be" makes me put them on a pedestal? It's my own masochistic version of worshiping a false idol because I'm not being realistic.
For some reason I don't remind myself of the horrible fights we had, times he treated me with less respect than I deserved, the little idiosyncrasies I'm relieved I won't have to deal with anymore or the emotional baggage I don't have to push my way though, I only remember the good times and the good qualities. You don't have to discount all of the good times you had together. Those were all real. But I'm realizing how important it is for me to be honest with myself about the full picture of what our relationship really was and who he really is instead of the abridged, almost perfect version in my head that makes mourning the loss of what I had and what I thought I could have with this person in the future easier.
So aside from rocking the shit out of Dior, Natalie Portman inadvertently taught me a lesson. Do you idealize your exes and past relationships? Comment below.