Monday, June 29, 2015

the three non-negotiables & the BLOW OFF

Does this sound like a familiar scenario? You go out on a first date with someone-- it's not great, but not terrible either-- and you can't decide whether going out again would #1 just be a waste of your time or #2 could give you a chance to grow to like the person. This is what I call a dating conundrum. As we get older, the less patience and time we have for multiple dates with someone we don't spark to right away. BUT I know more than a few people who are married to men and women they weren't exactly crazy about after the first date. Theirs was a slow-burn kind of romance. So what's the solution? A friend of mine says she has three non-negotiables when it comes to dating. These are the things that are required in order to secure a second date. It's not some long insane list of needs and wants, but it does help save time and weed out people she might not be serious about in the long term.

After being married for close to four years (I know, that's not at all long enough to dispense any advice), here's my three:

#1 Gets along with your friends and family. It's so easy to have that us against the world mentality when you're dating someone, but a lifetime of that will get old quickly. A good portion of our relationships are spent with friends and family-- whether it's a vacation or a wedding or a birthday party, you want someone who's adaptable and can fit in. Ask yourself on those early dates: if I took this guy or girl to a party, would it change the mood for the worse?

#2 Has ambitions. Being ambitious and making money are two different things, but IMO it's important to find someone who has career goals and passions. If you're kicking ass at your job, it's hard to come home to someone who hasn't done much with their day. But if your partner loves what they do, even if it doesn't come with a heavy cash flow, it makes all the difference. And you're far more likely to support their dreams than be annoyed by them.

#3 It's a cliche, but YES, a sense of humor. You need someone who doesn't always take life or themselves too seriously. Shit gets hard and we all need someone who can make us laugh during our most stressful times. Sometimes the H bomb and I will find ourselves in the middle of an argument and one of us will crack a joke that diffuses the tension and helps put things in perspective.

What are your three non-negotiables? Comment below!

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