Monday, June 15, 2015

there's a reason you're single....?

The other night, I was hanging out with one of my single guy friends and got to observe him while he went through Hinge-- apparently, this is the new tinder-- it's supposed to be less about hook-ups and more about relationships. My guy friend is 34, has a successful career, went to an ivy league school, owns a home,  etc etc. So, he's not a slouch by any means. But he was swiping left on a few very eligible bachelorettes. Some were cuter than others, but one of the main factors for rejection was their age (over 30) and their education (a college he'd never heard of). Here's how our conversation went:

Sara: why are you rejecting all of the women over 30
Guy friend: If they're over 30 and single, there's a reason
Sara: But you're over 30 and single
Guy friend: It's different

Let's forget for a second the double standard that's at work here and the assumption that men choose to be single and women do not and instead, really explore this "there's a reason they're single"point of view. We know what Tracy McMillan's take is on this question, but I have a few different perspectives to offer. If you're a dude and you're reading this, maybe it'll make you think twice about swiping left.

#1 SHITTY luck. Plain and simple. It's not easy to meet someone you connect with who also connects with you where the timing is perfect and you both want the same thing out of the relationship. This shit is rare. Which Mr. Dude who's swiping left-- that's probably the main reason you're still single.

#2 Their super long relationship that didn't pan out. A lot of 30-something women who are currently available were in epically long relationships in their 20s. It's highly likely that they just got out of a six or seven year relationship with someone they realized they weren't going to spend the rest of their life with.

#3 Their career goals were more important to them than their relationship goals. Maybe they moved across country for a promotion or broke up with their last BF for grad school or work long hours and don't have time to date and they finally broke down and joined Tinder or Hinge or Happn.

#4 They're picky and have high standards and wouldn't you prefer to end up with someone who wouldn't just date anybody?

#5 They're batshit crazy. Just kidding. They've been dating the wrong guys-- which, if you think about it, makes sense considering a lot of the decent men are swiping left.

It pisses me off that my single guy friends might be avoiding 30something women because they think they're boring or crazy or turn into Shrek at sundown and that's why they don't have boyfriends. The truth is, dudes are missing out on really interesting, smart, women who are probably going to act way less nutty and unstable in a relationship than that 26 year old girl you've got your eye on.

I mean, would you rather date this girl....

or this girl?
Rachel McAdams is single and in her 30s, guys

1 comment:

  1. I love this post. Is this the same guy from the "it's not you, it's your biological clock" post from January 8? Also, it reminded me of this post:

    #1 = SO TRUE. It's not even bad luck. It's just regular luck. It's RARE. It's not unrealistic that me and my friends (girls and guys alike) will be unmarried in a few years, at 30. That's cool if a dude or lady show up, but we enjoy our careers and interests and friends and spend time investing in all types of relationships, not just the kind that will lead to marriage.

    Like you say, he doesn't sound like a slouch (house, career, educated), but he does sound kind of rigid and judgmental-- I don't understand why someone's alma mater should have such an effect on his opinion of them. I hope he realizes he's the one missing out on the Rachel McAdamses!