I think dating is harder for planners. It comes down to two things: one, we’re thinking ahead and anticipating when we shouldn’t. Two, we want to see the plans we’ve made through, even if it may not be best in the long run.
We go on one date with a guy who seems awesome and we start thinking about suggesting that really cool coffee shop that we’ve heard good things about but haven’t had a chance to try out. Then we never hear from him, and we have to accept that we’ll never get to know him better over iced coffee—friends maybe, or by ourselves. But not with Awesome Guy.
Or, we’ve been with someone for two years and we have a weekend in Wisconsin, a mutual friend’s birthday, and his cousin’s wedding coming up. The relationship should end, but (in our heads) it’s already planned out and it’s really hard to back out once plans are in place.
Part of getting past a BLOW OFF—planner or not—is accepting the death of a dream. It isn’t only the person we miss: the person was the conduit to our dream, whether that dream was one of family, connection, security, adventure, or discovery. Thoughts of “what-could-have-been” haunt us and any future plans we had with the person now have to be revised, canceled, or forgotten. Even if we realistically and logically know that we’ll meet someone else, we still have to let the dreams and plans go. The truth is that the person was the vehicle, not the destination.
Does anyone else think dating is rougher for planners? Anyone have a story from their experience being, dating, or knowing a planner?