Tuesday, July 7, 2015

the "I'm really busy" BLOW OFF

Two of my mutual friends (guy, 25 and girl, 28) met at a party I hosted. The guy isn’t the most forward and can be insecure about his lack of dating experience. A month or so later, he asked me if he could have my friend’s email address. I was skeptical because (1) she had to be reminded which guy he was because she didn’t remember him from my party (and not because she was drinking); (2) she’s two-and-a-half years older than him, which I just think is too big an age difference for the girl to be older in your 20’s; and (3) one of his requirements for his ideal mate is that they enjoy camping (and I don’t think she’s ever gone camping). That said, she was flattered and is very open to trying new things and meeting new people, so she was cool with me sharing her email address.

They met for drinks at a bar near his house (breaking First Date Rule #10: Meet halfway). A few days later, I had lunch with my girlfriend. She said it didn’t go so well. She’s a gracious, charismatic, and likeable person (if I were a guy, I’d want to take her on a date, too), so he asked her on a second date. She told him she was going out of town that weekend (she really was) and left it at that, hoping he’d take the hint.

Personally, I don’t think that’s a good way to handle a BLOW OFF. You don’t want to be presumptuous and project by preemptively saying “I don’t see a future for us” in response to a “good morning” text (people don’t generally react well to that). But if they put themselves out there enough to ask you on a second date, then I think an “It was nice meeting you but I don’t see anything transpiring between us. Best of luck!” text or email is warranted: vague, polite, straightforward.

That weekend, my guy friend and I are hanging out in a group and he approaches me to let me know he and my girlfriend met up. He says he had fun and asked her out again, but she said she was busy, so he was going to try to schedule something for the following weekend. I couldn’t tell him what I knew because it’s not my place to speak for my friend and he’d be hurt knowing that she talked about him to me. So I just silently nodded in agreement and changed the subject. That’s the last I heard of the situation.

I’ve heard other stories like this—a guy who met a girl speed dating and really, truly believed that she was too busy for a second date. Logically, why would she pony up the cash for speed dating if she had no time to actually go on dates? She’d carve time out of her schedule for him if she was really interested.

So, can we just cut the crap and reward someone brave enough to ask us on a date by being upfront with them? I say let’s stop prolonging the awkward and inevitable end, but does anyone out there prefer to be BLOWN OFF this way? Comment below!

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