Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Dating rule: the plus one

You've been invited to an event with a plus one. The event is a couple months away and you just started dating someone. Do you:

A. Lock them down as your date even though the relationship is still new?
B. Go to the event solo. There's no guarantee you'll still be seeing each other in a couple months and you don't want to jinx it.

I would normally air on the side of caution and go with B, but I recently heard a genius dating rule when it comes to this dilemma. You should only plan as far ahead as the relationship has lasted. SO... if you've only been dating for two weeks, then you can only invite the person to an event that's two weeks away. If you've been dating for a month, you can plan a month ahead. You've been dating two months and it's June? Good news, you can plan the whole rest of the summer together. And once you've hit the one year mark, anything goes.
Personally, I think this is a safe rule to go by. It prevents you from planning dates and vacations that you'll only be depressed about if the relationship implodes and you have to cancel those plans. Birthday parties and work events are one thing, but keep in mind that wedding dates open up a can of worms. They bring up all kinds of fears and issues about commitment for guests in attendance. I know more than a few couples who've ended up having intense relationship conversations after going to a wedding together. The H-Bomb had a panic about two years into our relationship when we were at my cousin's wedding and every family member kept making those awful "When will it be your turn?" or "you guys are next" comments. It scared the shit out of him and I thought he was going to break up with me. So, if the relationship is in the very early stages-- I recommend flying solo or taking a friend to said wedding. There are many a couple in our wedding album that are no longer together now and that really bums me out.

What do you guys think when it comes to planning for the future with a relatively new relationship? Do you have any hard and fast rules about this? Comment below!


  1. I like the idea of planning only as far ahead as the relationship has existed, but then I get caught up in determining how long the relationship has existed-- is it from our first date? once we started seeing each other pretty consistently? since we became "official?"

    And I've had the experience of having an intense relationship conversations post-wedding, even without the "you guys are next" comments. I'm sure people who make those comments mean well, but that's so much unnecessary pressure.

  2. As a rule for me, weddings are only fun solo or with a long term relationship. This way I can cry my eyes out at the ceremony, get drunk, eat all of the left over plates of cake on my table & spend 2 hours in the photo booth!

  3. I really like that rule! Another good post could be do you even invite your single friends with a plus one. I used to get mad when I wasn't, but then my sister got married and I saw how she really had to limit the guest list. Do you only invite people with plus ones if you know they are in serious relationships? or should you invite all your single girlfriends with dates. OK, I just went off on a tangent. Love this post though

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