Monday, August 3, 2015

Full Disclosure: I've Been The Crazy Girl


I used to read all these stories about girls who went nuts after the end of a relationship. Girls who kick ass in their careers and are generally sane, awesome people suddenly find themselves doing the late night drive by, texting repeatedly, begging their ex to take them back or just see them. For five minutes.

I couldn't understand it. If it's over, let it go and tomorrow it will seem so yesterday, I thought. No guy is worth feeling like a lunatic over. And then I became that girl (with the exception of the drive by. Proud to say I've never done the drive by).

This past year I've become a person I don't even recognize. I've been the worst version of myself and believing the worst (you know how in Pretty Woman she says the bad stuff is easier to believe? It's kinda true).
I've had spurts of strength, no contact, other guys, gyming it and writing. And I've had cringe worthy moments saying everything from "I hate you" to "I love you" to "I just can't remember to forget you." I think that is a song.

So now at my lowest moment, I realize it's not his fault. Or mine. It was just never right. True love means never having to say "I was a complete pyscho." So all I can do is move forward and learn from my mistakes. I always want things to end perfectly. Like that Maroon 5 song "Daylight." We'd know it was ending, we'd have this last perfect night and go on our merry ways. He'd remember me fondly. Now he will remember me fondly...as a crazy person. But i don't think that last perfect night exists in real life.

Movies and TV show suggest it's OK to be crazy as long as you're cute and quirky, which obvi I am. In Trainwreck, Amy is basically a verbally abusive alcoholic who almost ruins her boyfriends career. But she slips on a cheerleader outfit and he takes her back. Sexy videos I have learned, do not work. Felicity moved across the country for Ben because he wrote something nice in her yearbook.They ended up together. In Sixteen Candles, Samantha just stared at Jake Ryan and told friends she was obsessed with him and we all know how that ends. Amazingly. Actual life... not so much.

Maybe you have to hate each other a little to move on. Maybe in some ways I was even self sabotaging so he'd really never talk to me again and nail that freaking coffin shut. Or maybe I was just hurt that the person I gave my heart to didn't want it. I just have to hope with the right person it will be easy and I'll never feel manic. If Nick Viall is pushing through, I can too.

Also, I may have gone to a psychic and she told me I'd meet my future husband in September or October. He will be 29 or 30 because I have a young soul. We will be married within 2 years and have a strong marriage. So there's that.

What's the craziest thing you've ever done post break up? Feel free to make me feel better

2 comments:

  1. hahah i wanna see a psychic so badly!

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    1. I highly recommend it! Though if she had told me there was no hope and I'd die alone with 10 cats that would not have been good. It was a risk.

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