Welcome to today's modern not so fairy tale AKA "The Situationship."
In my universe, when Robin Thicke sings about "blurred lines" he's talking about situationships. Fifty Shades of Grey isn't about a gorgeous rich man who loves S&M. It's the miserable state of purgatory when you want to scream at the guy who is giving you multiple orgasms. By scream, I don't mean in the throws of passion. I'm talking about after that final moan when he rolls over and sighs contentedly and you want to be like "what the fuck are we?"
I vowed not to write about my D-bag ex anymore because I was informed it bothered him and the whole "why make someone a chapter in your book when you're barely even in a sentence," thing, which I must admit, is quite valid. However, I've decided the only thing I can take away from that lovely situationship is good blogging material. Also, I hate him.
He told a mutual friend that he was "faithful" to me the entire time we spent together and he couldn't say the same about me. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know I was supposed to be faithful to someone who never called me his girlfriend and never even treated me to a meal. Not one meal. In two years.
Still, I've decided that I am allowed to refer to him to as my ex because I gave him years of my life, part of my heart and countless tears. Also, it just sounds so much better than saying "that guy I hung out with every weekend for two years." Additionally, we've had more gut wrenching break up conversations than anyone should have in their entire life, let alone one situationship.
The one good thing about a situationship is that it will make you grateful for a guy who is proud to call you his girlfriend, show you off to his friends and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. These days when a guy invites me to an event or wants to take me to a nice dinner, I literally think he's the greatest thing since double stuffed oreos. This is because chivalry is dead. No, I don't really believe that. I am just so much more appreciative of good guys because I had such a dud.
Situationships are so easy and unfortunately quite common these days. There's no pressure and you settle into a routine. You avoid having any awkward conversations until you have to have an awkward conversation because you don't want to find yourself still sitting on his couch at age fifty. When you do finally muster up the strength to walk away, or he leaves you with no other option, you WILL eventually realize that you deserve so much better. And on that glorious day, you will never again settle for anything less than a real relationship with a MAN who you never have to introduce to people as "um, my...this is D-bag."
In my most jaded and cynical period I asked my sister to name a beautiful, decent man who stayed faithful to his wife (her husband not included obvi). I was positive she would not be able to name one, but she quickly replied "Kevin Bacon. Boom." She's good, my sister. And now that my cynicism has worn off (thanks to some good guys who I've met in real life), I find myself a brand new girl. One who is finally open to good things and won't be grateful for mere scraps, but will be extremely grateful for truly nice gestures.
Have you ever been in a situationship? How did it end? I'd love to hear your stories.