Wednesday, September 23, 2015

so many BLOW OFFs, so little time

Guys, I'm no longer going to be neglecting the BLOW OFF. In the last couple months that I've been too busy to blog there have been so many crazy break up stories. Let's do a quick recap:

Celebrity break-ups
Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green called it quits.

January Jones and Will Forte are no longer dating.

Amy Poehler and Nick Kroll have broken up after two years together.

Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt have gone their separate ways after being together for EIGHTEEN YEARS. She still got thanked in his Emmy speech. It was more of a shout out and less of a thank you, but it still counts.

Most importantly, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy have broken up. WTF. Love is dead. I haven't blogged about Kermit and Miss Piggy, because I think the break up is just a cheap publicity stunt to promote their new show on ABC. He's supposedly dating some slutty swine named Denise.

Favorite new couple alert: Kate Mara and Jamie Bell.

Ripped from the headlines
Jared, the subway guy is a pedophile. Here's the statement from his wife announcing their divorce:
"Obviously, I am extremely shocked and disappointed by the recent developments involving Jared. I am in the process of seeking a dissolution of the marriage. My focus is exclusively on the well-being of my children. Neither I nor my family will have any further comment on the matter. I appreciate respect for my family's privacy during this difficult time.”

Um, DISAPPOINTED? How about utterly disgusted?? How about completely traumatized and disturbed? I'm disappointed in the H-bomb when he doesn't take out the trash. Come on, lady.

Kim Davis is the devil. She's the chick from Kentucky who's been married four times and is denying same sex couples marriage certificates. She went to jail and did a press conference to Eye of the Tiger. My favorite joke on this ridiculousness comes from Andy Samberg at the Emmy's:

"It’s amazing that Kim Davis came out of jail to ‘Eye of the Tiger,’ considering how many guys have boned each other to that song.”

Political BLOW OFFs:
Rick Perry and Scott Walker have both BLOWN OFF their bid for the Republican nomination and have dropped out of the Presidential Race. Donald Trump continues to make us afraid that we live in America.

Reality TV BLOW OFFs:
The very gorgeous Kristin Taekman (from the Real Housewives of New York) is the latest Ashley Madison victim. Her much less good looking husband had an account. Proving the quote "Show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a man who's tired of fucking her."

Okay, those are all the BLOW OFFs I can think of off the top of my head, but I promise to blog with more regularity. I have a feeling I will be having a lot more time on my hands in the near future. And there will def be a blog post about that. 

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