Monday, February 22, 2016

how do you get over a shitty-ass break-up?

Editor's Note: We got this guest post from a loyal reader named Ruby all the way in Australia. She could use a little encouragement and advice! Read below and help a sister out!

I met this guy through mutual friends. I can honestly say back then we did not get along at all. He had a huge ego and shut down basically everything I said to him. Me being my sassy self thought perfect challenge to make this guy fall head over heels, and soon enough after a few months we were madly in love with each other. Every couple of days I did get that common questions from friends "Really, out of everyone, him?"

 But I constantly shrugged it off, because I actually cared for him. He was my first serious boyfriend and unfortunately my first ever heartbreak. A couple of months into our relationship, I caught him out on a dating website sending flirty messages to girls, I confronted him about it and he apologized. The second time I caught him the same thing happened.

I guess I was stupid to let it pass a third time. I threatened him saying if he wants to act single he will be single. He begged and said he would never do it again, and again love took over and I forgave him. I have come to realize that love is such a powerful drug and it can make the strongest people turn into weak fools. Over the next two years we had our ups and down just like every couple does. we planned our future together. There were always talks of marriage and children and I honestly thought he was my soul mate.

Coming up on our two year anniversary, I couldn't help but feel a distance between us. Our sex had recently gone out of the window and we were falling into a boring routine. We argued a little and even then make up sex was not even offered. We were at a friends party when I had a couple of drinks and was my flirty self. His friend made a move on me, and though I did not see it coming-- I wanted it to happen. Over the next 3 days we sent flirty messages to each other and I felt wanted.

The worst part of this is of course my boyfriend found out about it. He saw the messages and not only was he devastated he completely hates me. He broke up with me via text and told me to return all the gifts he bought me and to never contact him again. I can understand his anger towards me and I know I am in the wrong for talking to someone like that who isn't my boyfriend, but what I don't understand is how he's not taking any responsibility for pushing me away.

He then later told me that the last 2 months of our relationship, the reason we were not having sex is  that he just didn't find me attractive anymore. It's so hard to move on from someone who you planned to share so much with. We talked all day everyday and to go from that to basically blocking everything that reminds you of them is the hardest part.

I want to know how he's feeling. I want to know if he's sitting in his room not sleeping or eating, because he is completely torn apart by what is happening. I want to know is he sits there wondering what I'm doing today or if I'm seeing some one new. Right now, he has decided to let me know he has been on dates with 2 girls and kissed another on a drunken night out. Knowing that he is actually trying to move on hurts and I am so stupid for giving him my heart and I feel so sorry for the next guy who comes along and tries to take it, because when that day comes i will not be that generous.

All my friends have told me that the way he is acting is completely disgusting and he has no respect for me. It just feels like he never loved me to be able to generate that much hate. This no contact rule has been one of the hardest things I have done and even then I don't like the fact of not knowing. Who is going to contact who first? Will he want to talk? Will he love me that much and realize he made a horrible mistake and ask to give it another go? But with all that has been said and done do I even want to give it another go with someone who is that low to dump me via a text message!?

All I can say right now is some days I miss him and other days I hate him, and I just cant wait for the day where I finally forget him. But will that day ever come?

2 comments:

  1. "Me being my sassy self thought perfect challenge to make this guy fall head over heels, and soon enough after a few months we were madly in love with each other"

    Is this an accurate reflection of the facts if he was looking around after a few months?

    "I constantly shrugged it off, because I actually cared for him"

    And what about your own feelings about yourself? Where do you draw the line for what is acceptable and unacceptable for how people treat you?

    "I have come to realize that love is such a powerful drug and it can make the strongest people turn into weak fools."

    Are you sure that's what love is? Or is love something that gives you strength to face challenges honestly?

    Let me ask you something, is this going to destroy you? If it isn't, then realize that you'll survive this even if it means that things will suck for awhile. And focus on surviving it - do things that will help you heal and get support from people in your life who care about you.

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  2. Ruby, I feel for you. It's hard to walk away from a relationship when there are strong feelings involved and when we've already invested a lot of time and made plans for the future. It's also easy to read your post and say-- YES, you should've walked away after the first, second, or third time he broke your trust by seeking out other women. But hindsight is 20/20. I'm sure all of us have been in relationships where we've looked the other way. What you might not realize is that you were stuck dating an evil genius. He was checked out of the relationship, then jumped on an opportunity to break-up with you, all while getting to make you look like the bad guy and making himself look like the victim. I hate to say it, but he was probably thrilled or even relieved when he read those texts, so he could use it as an excuse for a break up and make you feel shitty in the process. Your friends are right. It is disgusting. And though texting with his friend wasn't the best move, I think you should take your interest in someone else as validation that you were in a relationship that wasn't making you happy or making you feel good about yourself. And seriously, what is the point of being with someone if they don't make you happy or make you feel good about yourself? You dodged a bullet and should just feel plain bad for all the other girls he's dating. It will take some time, but eventually, you will move on. In the meantime, March is right around the corner. Perfect time to get started on our thirty day break-up challenge! http://www.theblowoff.com/2015/04/30-day-break-up-challenge.html#.VsuxxBjdYoY

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