Tuesday, February 9, 2016

the mommy complex & the BLOW OFF

Raise your hand if you're a dude and you've uttered these words to your wife or girlfriend:

"I already have a mom, thanks."
"Stop acting like my mom."
"Thanks, mom."

Referring to your significant other as your mother is quite possibly the harshest insult. It might even surpass "You're acting crazy" or "you need to relax" on my list of things I least want to hear during an argument. No one wants to have sex with their mom. Sure, most moms are unsung heroes, but they also nag, scold, and lecture. Dudes are right. It's not sexy to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like a child.
From time to time, the H-bomb reminds me that he was a perfectly capable human being who lived alone and handled his shit before I came into his life or before we lived together. This is true... though I did pay to have his apartment cleaned once. I know that if I died tomorrow, he'd be super sad, but he wouldn't forget to pay the bills or buy groceries. He'd survive.

BUT here's where the ladies can also call bullshit. Even though most guys have an allergic reaction to being "mothered", they also seem to be totally okay with their significant others doing their laundry, cleaning the house, cooking meals, making the bed, changing the sheets, etc etc. Basically, all the things their mothers did for them growing up. "Stop acting like my mom.... unless it makes my life easier, then by all means-- proceed." (Here's where I need to protect my ass and mention that I'm married to someone who helps with housework.)

Men can't have it both ways and they shouldn't want it both ways. Why? Cause no wife or girlfriend thinks it's sexy to be with someone who wants to be taken care of. Courtney Cox famously told David Arquette when their marriage ended that she didn't want to be his mother anymore. It's a toxic dynamic for all involved.

So, yes-- we ladies need to remember that men are perfectly capable human beings. They don't have to do things the way we want them done. They survived many years before we came into their lives. And dudes? Be a man, pick up your shit, and no one gets hurt.

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