Tuesday, April 5, 2016

the exhausted boyfriend & the BLOW OFF

One time, I dated a guy who was fiercely ambitious and goal-oriented. This was a refreshing shift after a two-year relationship with someone who took six years to graduate college and didn’t really feel up to applying for jobs, opting to live with his parents.

It was downright rejuvenating to meet someone who was always pursuing a new aspiration; someone goal-oriented and motivated—but it also meant he was usually frenetically on-the-go. In the short span of time we were seeing each other, the lengthy list of things he had mentioned wanting to achieve was impressive: he wanted to have a fulfilling relationship, start a family, embark on a stand-up comedy career, travel the world, and start his own business. All at the same time.

It might have been his attempt to live every day to the fullest. He may have suffered from the fear of missing out. But the bottom line is that he had no idea what he wanted from life.

What if the reason he took on so much is that he didn’t know what would truly make him happy, or bring him a deep sense of satisfaction? That would explain his need to frantically take more on: the unhappier he was, the more he hoped that one of these ideas and opportunities would lead to this mythical, far-flung happiness.

I started to feel like just another burden on his already-exhausting life, which was messed up. While he was on the road, I’d struggle with whether I should call him, knowing I’d be taking him away from his to do list. When he first invited me to watch him perform stand up at open mics, I liked feeling like I was a part of that facet of his life. But after awhile, there’d be nights I just wouldn’t be up for going to a random comedy club to watch struggling comedians nervously try to make each other laugh.
I had to ask myself: what would an actual relationship be like? Knowing that his pace of life couldn’t last forever, I realized that he’d eventually burn out and something would have to give. When that time came, would our relationship be on the line?

Things between us ended before I could find out. I wonder what he added to his plate once I was no longer on it... probably something like water aerobics or trapeze school.

Have you ever dated someone who is always putting more irons in the fire than they can realistically handle? How the hell did you cope? Comment below!

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