Thursday, May 26, 2016

RIP: Johnny Depp & Amber Heard

There are certain celebrity break-ups that make you feel sad when they happen (Jen & Brad, Heath & Michelle, Ryan & Rachel) and then there are some that make you go: 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

That's pretty much how I feel about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Yesterday, TMZ reported that Amber Heard filed for divorce and is requesting spousal support. There are early signs that this divorce is going to get ugly. And there's been no public statement about how this is a really difficult time, and how sad they are over the end of their marriage, and that we should please respect their privacy, and blah blah blah. Amber also left the guy three days after his mother died. 

Here's the thing. I love it when young starlets marry much older and much more famous men (ahem, Katie Holmes) with the hope that it will boost their status and their career. Except what happens is that older, more famous man suddenly becomes super embarrassing. Like, can't take out in public embarrassing. Not to mention older, more famous man is not nearly as hot as he was in the nineties. It's like being with Fat Elvis instead of Blue Hawaii Elvis. Allow me to break it down for you:

Here's Johnny Depp when Winona Ryder was engaged to him.
Here's Johnny Depp when Kate Moss was engaged to him.
 Here's Johnny Depp when Vanessa Paradis was his longtime partner.
Here's Johnny Depp when Amber Heard married him. 
I think I've made my point. The whole boozing/wino forever thing is hot when a guy is in his twenties, but not as hot when they're 52. Plus, there was that whole weird Australian dog scandal and that very strange apology video they posted. I can't say I'm surprised that their marriage didn't last  more than two years.

But I for one am really happy for Vanessa Paradis. I hope she's somewhere secretly celebrating with some hot as hell French guy. But I suspect she was done with Depp a LOOOOONG time ago. I know I was.

No comments:

Post a Comment