Tuesday, July 19, 2016

how one d-bag taught me what i want out of a relationship

A couple of years ago, I was sitting on my therapists couch. I'm not ashamed to admit I've had and loved therapy. Hey, I live in LA and if you don't have a therapist, Botox and know the best place to get a kale/quinoa salad, you're probably not my friend. Kidding.

We were talking about my D-bag, who if you would like to know about, simply read pretty much any of my posts. The Blow Off has sort of been like therapy as well. She told me that he seemed slightly sociopathic with a smaller degree of empathy than the average human. She was convinced that he also still had a lot of growing up to do and didn't see him being truly intimate with anyone for a long time. She claimed that even if he did get married, he would never be capable of the kind of love and closeness that I desire. I certainly liked/agreed with all of this. First of all, it made me feel so much about myself. Secondly, I figured she's a certified expert so she must be correct.

About one year ago, I went to a psychic. Yes, I also went to a psychic. Interestingly enough, the psychic said basically the same thing. She said she didn't see him settling down for like ten years and said he was very emotionally stunted. She also said he would come crawling back to me only he would be a different and angrier version of the guy I knew. She sounded so certain.

*Note: She also said I'd meet my person in October or November. Well, it's mid July and I haven't seen any signs of him.

Still, you can imagine my surprise when I found out my D-bag is moving in with the girl he's been dating for a year. Additionally, they went to Europe together (I could barely get him to take me on a walk). Our mutual friend said they were cute and funny together and constantly making fun of each other. I wasn't devastated. I didn't cry. Sure, it stung for a minute, but mostly because it seems as though he is capable of all the things the psychic/my therapist were so certain (and I so needed to believe) he wasn't. Just not with me.

But then I started to take a really honest look back at our time together. Like the wise young Chloe Grace Moretz advised Joseph Gordon Levitt to do in 500 Days of Summer. We weren't cute together. Nobody would have ever seen us together and been like those two are so happy and adorable (if they even saw us together at all because that was a rare occasion). Something was just always OFF. In spite of the hundreds of nights we spent together, mornings were always awkward. We never really had that much fun together, even in Las Vegas. And how do you not have so much fun in Vegas? We didn't make fun of each other, I don't think we ever even felt comfortable enough to do so after YEARS. Yet our sex was epic and I always wanted to see him. I couldn't understand why it didn't work.

Interestingly enough, today I also randomly and sort of accidentally reconnected with the "Army Guy" i wrote about in my book "So Many Frogs...Not Enough Prozac." (Sorry, shameless plug). In the midst of a D-Bag crisis, I went to Austin to visit him. And he was never who I wanted or needed him to be either. I think I took a lot of my D-bag frustrations out on him. And I realized that he was another person where it was just never right no matter how much I wanted it to be. He agreed with my rant that we never had a serious connection physically or emotionally,  I found him so attractive and we had developed this intense online relationship where I really felt like I knew him. I couldn't understand why it didn't work.

So I'm venting to my sister and then I realized today is her 4 year wedding anniversary. My sis and her hubby are relationship goals. I realized you can't force something to work and sometimes there's no explanation whatsoever for why some people work together and some people don't. But I want someone where I don't NEED for it to work, or WANT for it to work, it simply just does. Which isn't to say everything will always be perfect, I know relationships take effort. But I now know that I want someone who isn't afraid to make fun of me. I want someone who I connect with physically and emotionally without having to really try. I also want my money back from that psychic.

So in conclusion, happy anniversary to Coley and Evan and here's hoping that I find the matching piece to the puzzle that is me. Because sometimes pieces almost fit and you try to jam them together, but that's silly because they are never going to. The piece that fits perfectly is out there and if my D-bag can find his, I have to believe I can find mine.

No comments:

Post a Comment