Thursday, January 26, 2017

RIP Scarlett Johansson & that French Guy

It's been reported that Scarlett Johansson and that French guy she married two years ago have officially separated. This is sad news, because not only do they have a daughter together, but they also have a popcorn store in Paris. Yes. A popcorn store. Think about that for a second. They're rich. They're not opening a popcorn store to make money, they're opening one because they are passionate about it.

Please tell me that when they decided to separate, they looked at each other and said: We will always have popcorn.

I don't think Scarlett is destined for the confines of marriage, but I think we can blame Sean Penn for this failed relationship. You might remember that after ending her marriage to Ryan Reynolds, she had a whirlwind romance with Penn. He apparently broke it off and she was stage five clinger devastated. And then she married the random French guy.

You know who I see in Scarlett's future?

Brad Pitt.

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