10. I might be in love with Nick. He has a way with words, he wore good sweaters this week, he cries well, and... dat ass doe.
9. I loved Raven's post-orgasm montage. I wish I could have my own montage after every time I had an orgasm. It would include running in a field with a litter of pugs, eating lots of ice cream, and having more orgasms. There's a good chance that Nick actually give her a faux-gasm though. Either way, I feel really bad that she announced to the world that her ex-bf couldn't get the job done in ten years and Nick managed to do it in one night. OR, Raven's had thousands of orgasms and this was all a ploy to make Nick feel like da man. In which case, she's fucking brilliant.
8. The more I get to know Vanessa, the less I like her. Anyone who uses the term "core values" repeatedly and complains about wanting to feel special is a sociopath. She is not willing to compromise on... having dinner with her family every Sunday in Montreal. Look, if you didn't want to move away from Montreal you shouldn't have signed up to date a dude who will only want to live in LA or NY to pursue his full time career of being a fame whore. (Note: Nick has officially signed on for Dancing with the Stars.)
|true love never dies.|
6. Do the contestants watch themselves on television and think, "hey, I know why I can't find love! I need to look more like a stripper!" Why do they always come back looking so damn trashy? Case in point: the women in the below photos are actually the same person.
|Kristina could live for a whole year eating this girl's lipstick|
4. Speaking of Corinne, it's highly likely that she took the world's most controversial nap ever. Let's be clear-- the ladies didn't hate her, because she took her top off or made Nick lick whip cream off her tits or rubbed her vagina on him in a jumpy house-- they hated her, because she skipped a rose ceremony and took a nap. Guys, if you haven't already donated money to the ACLU-- please do so, because we obviously need to pool all of our resources to put a stop to these inhumane rose ceremonies. Naps for everyone!
3. Who is Lacey and why does she think it's appropriate to speak and have opinions? No one cares what happened right before Nick dumped you, because none of us even remember that you were on the show.
2. I guess I sort of loved all the female support among the contestants (except for when they verbally assaulted Taylor)-- it was sweet when they announced to America that Liz is not some whore who drinks too much and has one night stands at weddings, but she's a human person who builds orphanages for other small human people. Kristina is not just a Russian spy, but someone who could have lived in an orphanage that Liz built if she didn't come to America to live her life in color. That's all really great, but I'm a little disappointed that Harrison dropped the ball and didn't ask her if she'd ever met with Sergey Kislyak.
1. JESUS CHRIST, CHRIS HARRISON. WE GET IT. YOU LOVE BLOOPERS.