Wednesday, August 16, 2017

How Bachelor in Paradise Made Me Believe in Love Again

 Since Saaara is sadly no longer posting Bachelor updates, I thought I'd help ease your pain and share how tonight's episode of Bachelor in Paradise made me believe in love again.

Yesterday, I officially gave up on love. I told my mom, my sister and my best friend that I was done. I like my job, I like bubble baths and I love my dog. If this is my life, there are worse things. For example, I watched a Lifetime movie called "Girl in the Box" about a girl who was kidnapped by a couple, locked in a box and forced to be their slave. I have it pretty dang good. I even posted a cheesy quote on Instagram about how I'm fine being single forever and if love comes great, but love has not come easy for me and I'm sick of trying.


You are probably wondering what made me give up on love. First, I suggest reading all of my Blow Off's and/or my book "So Many Frogs...Not Enough Prozac." Shameless plug I know, but since my book was published, I could have written a sequel. My latest Blow Off occurred yesterday when a guy I had been talking to for a couple of months, informed me that he liked another girl. Apparently, he has liked her for a while now, but isn't entirely optimistic that it will work out. So basically I am like a back up plan. In the meantime, he offered to be my wing-man and said he liked that he can talk to me about this stuff. Yes, you read that correctly. I told him to fuck off and blocked and deleted him. I've decided instead of writing paragraphs about our little fling, I'd do some pros and cons.

Pro: He's hot

Con: He's 40 years old, lives with a roommate and has major credit card debt

Pro: He's easy to talk to

Con: He does musical theater and sings a LOT. He also sings along to a recorded track of himself at rehearsal and corrects his mistakes. I had the good fortune of witnessing this firsthand.

Note: I went to two of his shows. One was a musical about mental patients and the other was a midnight screening after I worked all day and I was basically sleeping with my eyes open. I ofen make way too many efforts way too soon, but that is a therapy session I need to have.

Pro: He's also a personal trainer and has abs for days

Con: He hasn't been in a relationship that's lasted longer than a year

Pro: He made me gluten free pizza. I'm not gluten free, but pizza is pizza.

Con: He's not sure if he wants kids. I know my eggs are dying a slow death, but i still want the option.

Con: He likes another girl and told me he would be my wing-man

So as you can see the con's outweigh the pro's significantly, but when you are 35 and single, nice abs and pizza go a long way. That is sad and one of the many reasons I decided I was giving up on love. Tonight I curled up with my dog and a Dominoes pizza and turned on Bachelor in Paradise. It was Evan and Carly's wedding. Two people that were not obviously meant to be together. Two people that probably would not have matched on Tinder. In Paradise one man's trash is another man's treasure. The sun, cocktails and being stranded together on an island can do strange things to the heart.

Note: Speaking of cocktails, Wells is nice to look at, but he is no Jorge. Jorge forever.

Before Evan and Carly said "I do," we got to take a look back at their individual journeys on The Bachelor franchise. Carly's break up with Kirk was gut wrenching. If you haven't seen it, Google and watch. If you don't feel for her, you have no soul. Carly has been through the ringer, but Carly did not give up on love.

My best friend has told me for a long time to date a nerdy guy, but I never do. Carly is proof that if you expand your horizons, perhaps you can find a guy who will say on the national television that you are going to be the cutest little old lady. Perhaps you can find your weirdo. The way that Evan looked at Carly as she walked down the aisle is the way every girl should strive to be looked at.

So thanks to Carly, Evan, Chris Harrison and Bachelor in Paradise, I've decided perhaps I'm not quite ready to throw in the towel. While dogs and bubble baths are certainly much better than being locked a box, I don't have to settle for that just yet. Sadly, I'm too old to be on The Bachelor, but a wise friend reminded me that I am not too old to be a Real Housewife.

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